he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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