You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
too bad you live with your parents still
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
