Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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