"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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