Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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