You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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