her vagine was all disorganized.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
