she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
