Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
They are going to name an STD after you.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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