bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
