At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He's on the porch naked. Help.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
