If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You are the jesus of drinking
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
