How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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