just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
