I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
