You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
