I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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