i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
