It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize