He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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