I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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