I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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