Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
organizing the empties. That sober.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
