Where are you?
In a non slutty way
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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