Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
