I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
there was a trapeze. enough said
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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