why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
