she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
