fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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