So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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