When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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