I hate all girls vehemently.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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