I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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