as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize