I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
