Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
