Say something about gay babies.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
