What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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