Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
