im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
