I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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