ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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