my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
