i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
