Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
