she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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