hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
