sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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