shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
