shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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