i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
