Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
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I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
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Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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