You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
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i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
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Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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