His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
