and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
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I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
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You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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