Swine flu. Run for my life!
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
