your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
