I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
