well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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