Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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