the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
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I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
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AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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