Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
