I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
